Friday, January 12, 2007

Officers' Ball

So as promised to my dear old auntie In, here is a little bit of information about the next shmanciesh shindig here at the Diplomatic Academy.

So with January we are enter into ball season here in Vienna. Specifically, we here at the diplomatic academy are getting ready for the Officers' Ball next Friday in the Hofburg palace (pictured above). To be perfectly honest, I don't completely understand the concept of an officers' ball, but sufficed to say it is ostensibly put on by the the Austrian army and Austria's officer academy. The event promises to be the fanciest I have ever attended (required floor-length dresses for women and tails for men) and certainly sounds awfully imperial. It does have me scrambling though as I don't have tux here and I am expected to waltz. I can't waltz. I can't dance. I can't count. I certainly can't be expected to keep counting to three in my head while making sure my three matches the 'real' three totalitarianly imposed by the 'music.' It is a challenge. If you think I jest, then just be aware that for almost a decade I was the bane of any choreographers existence. Oh sure I could sing in musical theater, but turn at the same time as a group of twenty other people? Surely not. I have video proof. In fact, one choreographer when I was doing Guys and Dolls for the second time in England (somehow I know there will be a third time) was nice enough to give us all little cards with positive things on them. My complemented me on my acting and singing, but left out any reference to dancing. There was a reason. The general mentality of waltzing does amuse me though as it is basically away from side to side until there is enough space for you to erupt in series of waltzing circles without killing anyone. So tomorrow I am off to try and find a tux and then to continue to try and have a waltz I am not ashamed to share in public.

Auntie In, if there are any archaeological treasures you need to smuggle out of Austria this would be the time.


ruth said...

i hate to tell you this ian, but back when i wasn't a six hundred pound gimp and was a ballet teacher, my five year olds could waltz. they could even waltz backwards. now this means one of two things - either a five year old girl is smarter than you, or all you need to fix your waltzing problems is 45 minutes with me in a ballet studio wearing a leotard and tights(you in the leotard and tights. the teacher can wear whatever they want).
also i am making two demands. demand number the one - pictures of you in the tux once it has been procured. demand number the second - you must make this video proof of you dancing available to the masses. the people deserve to see your talents.

Barbarossa said...

I will meet half of your demands and therefore you are enbtitle to kill half of the hostages (deal?). I will put up a picture of me in a tux (acquired today!), but I will most cetainly not make video evidence of me dancing available. Ever. I do wish you were here though to give me the 30 hour a day prep I would need to waltz niceishly. Apparently I keep forgeting to turn. The funny thing is I even think I waltzed in when I did the King and I years ago.

Nella said...

Pfft! I think you lie, my good friend. I distinctly remember you waltzing in The King and I...unless I somehow managed to mistake your desperate attempt to get out of the life-sucking grip of Leann for waltzing.

And Might I say here--DAMN! If only I had something that needed to be snuck out of the zommunists' hands! This officers' ball sounds like PRECISELY the sort of place I would want to be responsible for a HUGE international incident, complete with over-turning tables piled high with punch and ice sculptures, AK47's being fired into the air without care, men and women in fancy dress running away screaming, and a desperate but well choreography fight/chase scene (although, after your description of your inability to learn choreography, this may pose more of a problem than I initially thought...)